Absolutes

So, I'm sitting with this student of ours that comes in about three times a week and all he does is grammar. His attempts at any real human communication are laughable, if not passable, as his penchant is for understanding the deep mechanics of English grammar. As a self-proclaimed philosopher, he spends hours and hours picking apart the logic of entirely random sentences. In particular, he is fascinated by the use of negation in English.

I have to admit, his fascination gets my juices going at times. Thoughts of college grammar classes flash by and all I can see are endless chalkboards filled with fully diagrammed sentences. I am hypnotized by my own memories. Luckily, when I wake up from my stupor, he's still pouring pages of his work, too into grammar to notice that I was absent for a few moments.

The thing that really gets me is that he - but not only him, lots of people do this too - asks me these questions about the finer workings of English grammar and expects clear cut answers. Even as I rattle off these absolutes about language I can hear the English Powers that Be rustling in their lofty chairs, showering disapproving glances and finger wags my way.

And on some level, I really don't care. At some point, these "opinions" about usage will shift to accommodate new social norms and ideologies. The permanence of grammar is a myth, smoke and lights, something that Usage Nuts death grip because their jobs and their own sense of reality depend on it.

I've told this guy that grammar rules fluctuate and bend over time, so that his minute, nit-picky explanations of rules will only work for a short time. He intends to create a computer program that will automatically modify the grammar of a given sentence in a number of ways.

I only ask, why?